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Kaz,

My wife and I have been married for over 33 years and we still have to work at our relationship EVERY DAY to keep it solid. You are way ahead of the game in realizing that trust is the foundation of every good relationship. You have to rebuild the trust before you can rebuild the relationship. You might start by both of you laying ALL the cards on the table. Everything! You can't have a fresh start if you are still carrying secrets. Having your pastor present may help keep things focused and in perspective, but that is your choice. Listen to each other. Don't just sit there and wait for your turn to talk, really LISTEN. Forget trying to think up witty comebacks, barbed comments or dragging up previous offenses. This is not a time for pettiness and hostility. Listen to her and ask that she listen to you. Find out why each of you has arrived where you are in your relationship. Decide whether or not you can each forgive and forget if there is something that requires it. Speak from the heart, not from the head. Tell her how you feel, without defenses or expectations. Spend some quiet time in prayer before you talk with your wife. Speak to God from the heart also and ask Him to be with you. It is only through my relationship with God that I have had the courage to face the tests that life has put before me. Countless times I have put my fate in His hands, and He has never let me down. And remember this, when you find yourself asking, "God, why are you doing this to me?", it is through patience and faith that you may find He wasn't doing it TO you, but was in fact doing it FOR you. God bless you and good luck.

K2
 
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